What is (Real) Love? Baby Don’t Hurt Me

I don’t know why you’re not fair
I give you my love, but you don’t care
So what is right and what is wrong?
Gimme a sign

What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me
No more

If someone wanted to give you something really, really great without asking for anything in return, would you find yourself skeptical? Most of us would probably answer yes.

Something incredible happens inside the human soul when we realize that we have been given love without condition. When we’ve been seen for all we are—the good, the bad and the truly ugly, and yet we are loved in spite of all this.

Real love is disarming.

So much of our dysfunction and brokenness stems from wounds of the past where we felt unloved or rejected.

When we were hurt by someone.

We put up walls and we put up fists to make sure we’re ready if an attack should come. We’re desperately trying to defend our hearts, all the while we are actually making it more difficult for others to love us. We develop unhealthy coping mechanisms  to avoid rejection that unfortunately cause more rejection.

But what is real love?

Love is patient and kind. Imagine a love that is patient when we are just not getting it.  A love that always responds in kindness, even when we are not kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Imagine a love that doesn’t compete. That has nothing to prove at your expense.  

It does not demand its own way. Imagine a love that puts you first instead of only thinking of itself. That is more concerned with your well-being than it’s own.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Imagine a love that doesn’t hold over your head every mistake you’ve made. That doesn’t seek an opportunity to bring up that “one time” but forgives and forgets like it never happened. That gives you a fresh start with each new day.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Imagine a love that is more concerned with truth and justice than promoting itself or winning.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Imagine a love that doesn’t walk away from you when you’ve made one too many mistakes.

Imagine a love that believes it can only get better.

Imagine a love that doesn’t quit when it gets tough or give up when the pain becomes great. That is relentless in pursuing connection.

Imagine a love that is so beyond our humanity that it is impermeable to toxicity of our own brokenness.

THIS kind of love is transformative. It is impossible to be the recipient of this kind of love and remain unchanged. This kind of love is supernatural. This is real love and it will win over the heart that is will to receive it. Every time.

Love wins.

It wins over the heart that’s been hardened

Mending the fractures and filling the gaps

Love collapses walls hate can’t put a dent in

Love wins

Because it breaks all the rules and confuses its enemy

It doesn’t follow the pattern or fit the mold of our humanity

True and unconditional Love is supernatural by nature

Radiating warmth

Melting every icy exterior

It takes the cynic by surprise

Subverting the system of striving and earning

Love gives without expecting anything returning

Love wins

When it gives to the one who rejects it

The one who perceives they’re not worthy of it

The one who believes their goodness deserves it

Love’s relentless pursuit

Proves too hard to resist

We shed all our pretense

And find ourselves standing

Now open-handed

In awe that Love has a name

 

If you believe you are unworthy of love you will reject it when it comes your way.

If you believe you are worthy of love because of what you do or don’t do, you will perpetually strive to earn it. You will hide your flaws and mistakes so as to not lose the love you believe you have earned.

But a love that pursues in spite of all this, a love that is not put off when you reject it, but continues to go after your heart; a love that continues to love when you’ve totally screwed up and even in the midst of your screw up; a love that just won’t leave you alone, will disarm you.

You suddenly realize you’ve been fighting, but you can’t remember why or for what. You realize you don’t need all these weapons you’ve been holding because the thing you were fighting for, you already have. And because you didn’t do anything to earn it or deserve it there’s absolutely nothing you can do to lose it. All you have to do is give in and receive it.

Weapons on the ground, fists down, heart open.

God is love.

–1 John 4:16

THIS is how much God loved the world: He gave His Son, His one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in Him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending His Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.   John 3:16-18